I Was Nervous to Roll With Guys—Here’s What Actually Happened
Aktie
When I first started training Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, I remember staring at the mat during warm-ups and silently hoping I wouldn’t get paired with a guy when it came time to roll.
It wasn’t because I thought men were mean or unsafe. It wasn’t even about ego. It was just… the unknown. The closeness, the physicality, the fear of doing something wrong, or being too aggressive—or not aggressive enough. I didn’t want to make it weird for anyone. I definitely didn’t want to feel uncomfortable. But in a co-ed sport like BJJ, avoiding that kind of partner isn’t always an option—and truthfully, I didn’t want it to be.
I wanted to get past the nerves. I wanted to learn.
The Day It Happened
It was maybe my second or third real class. I was still tying my belt like a nervous kindergartner on the first day of school. I’d finally gotten through drills and positional sparring without completely forgetting everything I’d just learned. Then the coach clapped and said, “Alright—grab a partner.”
Before I could even glance around the room, one of the guys came up to me and asked, “You wanna roll?”
I froze for half a second but said yes. My stomach was doing small flips, but I was in. I had to be.
What He Was Like
He was probably mid-30s, calm, and you could tell he’d been training for a while. He smiled when I said I was new, and he immediately reassured me:
“We’ll keep it super light—just move and flow.”
And we did.
He was bigger than me by at least 30–40 pounds, which made me nervous at first. I wasn’t sure if I’d feel overpowered. But he moved with total control—like he understood how to adjust his strength and pace to match mine. And that’s something a lot of experienced partners do really well in BJJ.
It wasn’t about smashing or “winning.” He let me feel out positions, try things, mess up, and re-set. At one point, I completely tangled my limbs trying to shrimp out of side control and just stopped to laugh—he laughed too and said, “We’ve all been there.”
That moment changed everything.
What Surprised Me Most
I had braced for something awkward or intense, but the roll was actually… calm. Playful. Eye-opening. What really stood out was the respect. There was no weirdness. No pressure. No ego. Just two people figuring things out on the mat—one moving with experience, the other trying to survive.
I realized size and strength definitely play a role in Jiu-Jitsu, but technique and control matter so much more. I’ve rolled with guys twice my weight who were super gentle and helpful, and smaller guys who moved lightning-fast and kept me on my toes. Everyone brings a different kind of challenge—and that’s part of what makes it fun.
And I was stronger than I thought. Not just physically, but mentally. I had more body awareness, more resilience, more grit than I gave myself credit for.
How It Shifted My View of BJJ
Rolling with a guy for the first time broke a mental wall down for me. It made me realize this sport really does rely on trust, communication, and mutual respect, no matter who your partner is.
Since then, I’ve rolled with men, women, teens, older adults—people bigger, smaller, faster, stronger. And each roll is a new kind of conversation. You don’t always have the same intensity, but you always walk away learning something.
Advice I’d Give to Other Women Nervous About Co-Ed Training
First off—you’re allowed to be nervous. I was. A lot of people are. But here’s what I wish I knew from the start:
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Size doesn’t mean danger. Most people know how to adjust their intensity to keep things safe.
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You can say no. If someone doesn’t feel right to roll with, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
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You’ll find your rhythm. It might take a few classes, but eventually, you’ll feel more at home on the mats.
And if gear is part of what’s making you self-conscious—like stuff riding up or feeling too tight—I highly recommend finding a rash guard that actually fits and stays put. I started with this collection, and it made a huge difference. I could focus on the roll, not the outfit.
Final Thoughts
That first roll I was nervous about? It didn’t just get me past a mental block—it made me feel like I belonged on the mat. And if you’re reading this and still on the fence about joining or rolling with a guy for the first time, let this be your gentle nudge forward.
Because once you start, you’ll wonder why you waited so long.
Want help picking your first rash guard or have questions about training in a co-ed class? I’m always down to share what’s helped me and hear what you're navigating. We’re all figuring it out together.